too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
