Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
