What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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