can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
