i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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