Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
