I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize