I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
