Just cropdusted the office
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Drunk is not a location!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
