I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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