went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
