I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
