I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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