Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
its liver damage thursday
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
