true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
