Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The uberlube is also flammable
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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