For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
