We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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