His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
