I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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