Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i will never coherently bang her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
