just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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