I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
tell me about the eggs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
