I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
