toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
