you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
