I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
