I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
soo... how was my night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
