The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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