9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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