And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
