that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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