She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
