i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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