You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
