i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
