soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
