so that wasnt chicken after all
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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