I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
