The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
