the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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