just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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