I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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