I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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