i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
