you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
