D3 body, D1 cock
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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