I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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