She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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