Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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