i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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