It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
