all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
