i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
