I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
