kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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