Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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