All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
