we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
