i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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