apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
