Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
