mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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