You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
