She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
